Harry Potter Star Detective
by Pure Sin
Summary: Ch. 2 up! Harry Potter solves all the mysteries of Hogwarts, some of them are kind of scary and...scary.
1. The Urinal of Wisdom

Harry Potter And The Urinal Of Wisdom

by Ali Johnson

Harry sighed on his way to Potions class with Ron and Hermione.

" What's the matter Harry?" Ron asked

" Oh, its nothing." Harry dismissed

" Come on tell us." Hermione insisted

" Well, I have this problem," Harry began

" Yes," Ron pushed

" You see I have to go to the bathroom." Harry said

" And you're afraid you'll get in trouble for being late, don't worry about it Harry, when you gotta go, you gotta go." Ron laughed

" No, that's not it. You see, the closest bathroom is weird." Harry continued

" Oh Harry, we all know it smells awful, but I did a spell on it, its perfectly sanitary." Ron said

" No, uh, you see, uh, I was using the urinal and it started to talk." Harry said

" Funny, Harry, very funny." Hermione said

" I am not joking." Harry said

" What did it say?" Ron asked

" It said that it was the Urinal of Wisdom." Harry said quietly.

" Harry, you'd better start from the beggining." Hermione said

Flashback...

_**Harry ran up the steps in a hurry after Potions lesson. He'd had to go since before Potions but he didn't want to be late and Snape wouldn't let him go without taking away points.**_

_**" Hey, Mr. Potter! No running in the halls!" It was Filch, but Harry ignored him; he really had to go! Harry skiped up a magical step and into the boys bathroom.**_

_**Good, he thought, no one else is here, I hate going when other people are around.**_

_**He relieved himself and let out a sigh.**_

_**" That was close." He said to the empty bathroom.**_

_**" I agree, you looked quite panicked when you came in here." A voice said.**_

_**" Who's there?" Harry asked looking around.**_

_**" It is I!" The voice replied**_

_**" Who is I?" Harry inquired still searching for an individual.**_

_**" The proper phase is ' who am I?' and in answer to that question, you are Mr. Harry Potter, you have used this bathroom 3891 times, and you defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort as a baby." The voice answered amusedly**_

_**" I know who I am, but who are you? And where are you?" Harry questioned**_

_**" Your search is over! It is I, the Urinal of Wisdom!" The urinal said**_

_**" Ahh! My god, are you serious?" Harry asked**_

_**" Yes, I am quite serious." The urinal said stiffly, " I just don't understand why people don't believe me when I tell them."**_

_**" Excuse me..." Harry said running out....**_

_**End Flashback...**_

" ...And that's how it all happened." Harry explained

" A little of that was way more than I needed to know." Hermione said

" That's scary." Ron said, " It remembers how many times you've used that particular bathroom. Disgusting, I wouldn't want to know. A talking urinal, are you sure no one else was in there?"

" There might have been, I was in shock when it started to talk, I hope that if some one else was in there, they didn't pay attention to how many times I've gone in there." Harry said

" Harry, he means that some one else could have been in there trying to scare you and take pictures and blackmail you, what if it was Malfoy?" Hermione explained

" Malfoy, no! My life is ruined!" Harry yelled. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy for a moment then went back to their business, " You know," Harry said, " This is a case for, Harry Potter, Star Detective!"

" Uh oh." Ron and Hermione said

" I'm sorry with the help of his faithful sidekicks." Harry added, " Hermione and Ron."

" This means trouble." Hermione said

" After Potions, meet me at the Great Hall for your assignments." Harry said mysteriously walking ahead.

" Should we just go along like always?" Hermione asked

" Might as well, it might prove comical." Ron replied shrugging.

**After Potions**.

The Assignments;

Harry was to ask around and inquire suspicious people.

Ron was to guard the boys bathroom while Hermione did some tests and spells and security stuff.

Hermione was to run tests on the Urinal and set up a security camera with magic to see if anyone was hiding and scaring kids.

" Allright, you know your duty. Go out and do it now." Harry said. Hermione and Ron went up but Harry remained behind to inquire upon people.

" Was it you?" He asked a first year.

" Um...no." The boy said running to his friends

" How 'bout you, did you do it?" Harry asked sternly

" Uh...do what mister?" The second year girl asked nervously

" You know what you did!" Harry said quietly

" I didn't know anyone was looking, I didn't mean to have an accident." The girl yelled running away crying.

Meantime...

Draco walked up to Ron guarding the boys bathroom

" Step aside Weasley, I have to go." Malfoy said

" No, Malfoy, I want to see you squirm." Ron laughed

" Harry been talking to any more toilets, lately?" Malfoy asked.

" You!" Ron accused

" Yes, I did it, he didn't zip his fly for an hour afterwards, I have the pictures that will humiliate him." Malfoy said

" Yo, Malfoy, we destroyed those pictures like you asked us." Goyle said walking up

" What you destroyed them?!" Malfoy yelled

" You told us to." Crabbe said

" I said nothing like that." Malfoy said

" No, but I did." Harry said. He was wearing a Sherlock Holmes type outfit, " Another case solved." He mimicked in Malfoy's voice.

" Argh!" Malfoy said rushing into the bathroom. Hermione rushed out.

" I do not want to see that." Hermione said

" Ah, another case solved by the Great Harry Potter." Harry said putting on a pying glass.

" Not again, he gets so damn lucky!" Ron said

**Until then, join us for the next story in the Harry Potter Files.**


	2. Why is Harry so Wierd

There's Something About Harry

by Alicia Johnson

What is it about our black haired friend,

That makes him act weird so?

This is the question that Hermione and Ron ask themselves quite often. Come with me as they ponder upon this...

Chapter 1. Beggining the Investigation.

" Why is Harry so weird?!" Hermione asked after the case of the Urinal of Wisdom.

" Who knows?" Ron said, " Maybe he was born that way."

" Maybe he was dropped on his head as a baby," Fred Weasely suggested.

" Or it could be that he's just deranged." George Weasely added.

" What are all my good friends pondering about?" Harry asked sitting down with them at the table.

" We were wondering why you were so weird, Harry." Ron burst out

" Ron!" Hermione said.

" Ah, a question worth pondering; this is a case for Harry Potter, Star Detective!" Harry said with a smile as he jumped up.

" Not again!" Hermione and Ron said

" I shall be out inquiring, meet me outside the Divination Room at 3 o'clock!" Then he bounded off in the direction of the teacher's table.

" Where does he come up with this stuff?" Fred asked

" Maybe its part of his deranged nature." George suggested

" Or maybe, we'll never know..." Hermione said

Meanwhile...

Harry walked up to Severus Snape who was peacefully eating his lunch.

" Hello, Severus, how is your day?" Harry asked

" Mr. Potter, you are to call me Professor Snape, and my day was fine until a minute ago." Snape replied sourly

" Oh please, call me Harry, Mr. Potter is way too formal." Harry said pulling up a chair next to him.

" What do you require, Harry." Snape asked saying the name with disgust.

" Severus, you are one of my closest friends, who knows me quite well. I wish to know, why am I weird?" Harry inquired

" You were obviously dropped on your head as a child." Snape said angrily, " Now leave me to what's left of my sanity!"

" As you wish, friend," Harry said with a smile, " Thank you for the information."

At 3 o'clock, Harry met up with Hermione and Ron.

" Thank you both for coming." Harry said, " I shall now tell you the results of my findings."

" Oh, you found out why you are a weirdo?" Ron asked

" Ron!" Hermione scolded elbowing him.

" Ow!" Ron expressed rubbing his sore arm.

" I asked many people and I discovered that 1; I was dropped on my head, 2; Voldemort deranged me, 3; I am stupid in general 6, and lastley; I have no brain." Harry concluded

" Don't have to tell me twice." Ron said

" My doubts are few." Hermione said.

Malfoy lurked in the corner.

" Excellent," He said, " Now I shall revieal Potter as he truly is!; a fraud, a phony, and a serious space case!" Then, laughing manically, he walked off to the school paper office.

" Ah, Malfoy." Lug Stranged grunted as Malfoy entered the office. He was a large, idiotic, yet smart Slytherin.

" You won't believe the dirt I dug up, Lug, its quite, delicious." Malfoy said laughing another evil laugh as he handed Lug the material he'd found. The cackling was echoed by the older Slytherin as he finished reading.

" This will be quite humiliating." Lug laughed as he began to write the story.

Malfoy walked up to Harry the next day.

" Read today's paper, Potter?" Malfoy asked with a smirk

" Yes, Malfoy, I found it quite enjoyable, didn't you?" Harry replied smugly.

" What?" Malfoy shouted angrily as he read the headline.

Draco Malfoy of Slytherin; The Bedwetter!

" No!!!!" Malfoy shouted, " I gave the old brute my diary instead of the dirt!"

" I don't understand, Malfoy, why you would give the complimentary gift of dirt to a man who embarrased you, but you have your ways." Harry said, " Another case solved by Harry Potter; Star Detective."

Malfoy ran out of the room, and as he passed people they began to laugh.

" Hi, Harry!" Ginny said

" Hello, young Ginny." Harry said, " I'm high on success, are you looking for a job?"

" What do you have in mind?" Ginny inquired

" How would you like to be my personal assistant?" Harry asked, " You could help me in all of my cases."

" I'd love to, can I study your old ones?" Ginny asked

" Of course, young Ginny, join me for a milkshake in the kitchens at 5 o' clock tonight, I will start to train you!" Harry said walking off smoothly.

" Yipee!" Ginny cried jumping up.

Find out what happens next time in the Harry Potter Files!


End file.
